A blog for strippers, the people who love them and curious outsiders.
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Usually when I use #STOP, it’s because I’m freaking out about something in a good way, or in a wait what way. The last two nights it’s been a bit of both.
This week with my sexual frustration on high, I’ve had some conversations that immediately went to the dark side without me really even thinking about it.
On Friday night a dancer I hadn’t seen since she got hired showed up…she is bangin’. Llliikkeeee sexy music video girl bangin’. She’s taller than me, olive skin, dark hair, dark eyes too, hour glass figure; she could be Latin or Italian it’s hard to tell. Bottom line is that she’s gorgeous. She got her customer to tip me $50 right from stage, of course I thanked her profusely. When we were all getting dressed, I told my roommate about it and she told me that she was watching my stage the entire time and forcing her customer to watch too. She kept telling him how beautiful she thought I was, on and on. My brain nearly fell out of my skull, REALLY?! SHE SAID THAT ABOUT ME?!..*hearts, butterflies and rainbow kisses*…I figure the next time I see her I’ll say hi, maybe get a little chummy with her. I was so flattered and excited to hear that, I don’t get attention from women very much, much less one I think is beautiful.
But then, THEN, tonight another dancer who I hadn’t seen in awhile came in. She’s an extra cute blonde girl who could only be described as a petite barbie, she’s so astonishingly good looking, she’s almost unreal. Nice butt, cute personality, welcoming smile…just adorable. She’d be the poster child for what a palatable stripper would like for the public. I find myself jealous of her because I know she makes her money so much easier than I do because of her looks, but on the other hand I’m completely intimated by her beauty. Llliiikkkeee intimated to the point where I have to act like I’m not that into our conversation so I don’t gush…it’s sad. Really really sad for a grown woman like me to act this way.
In any case I had a conversation with her tonight that made my head spin. At some point it came up that I was interested in women, that I’m only with men on very specific occasions. To which she said, “Yea, me too basically. If I wasn’t with my boyfriend, I’d probably date women. Guys are just so hard to date.” Or something like that. I wanted to die. IF SHE WAS EVER ON THE MARKET FOR WOMEN I WOULD LOOSE IT. No one that hot is ever into women, and especially not into me if they were. UGH GOD, don’t get my hopes up little barbie, my heart can only take so much!
Tinder maybe working at my club soon…maybe the more we work together, it’ll lead to us spending more time together so I can get comfortable enough to have sex with her. I don’t think I can live like a sex craving mad woman for very long.
…So that’s where I’m at. Tonight, this weekend as a whole, was average. I feel like I’m emanating sexual vibes and customers can see it. However, football season isn’t panning out the way it has in past years…which is a bummer. Sunday nights are all about football normally, guess that’s out the window now.
I should get to bed. Getting my hair done and blood drawn tomorrow.
Yeah I sometimes get female customers, but I generally avoid them because they tend to be either worse behaves or so not into it that it’s super awkward, and regardless unless they’re also strippers they are never generous with extending/tipping. I see women in couples more commonly
So, I had my first audition tonight, and it sucked. I sucked. The manager said I had no ‘stage presence,’ but didn’t elaborate on what that meant or how to fix it. They put me on a side stage, kind of behind a wall and definitely behind all the customers, and had me dance to annoying country music. It was some kind of country theme night.
It. Sucked. I’m gonna try a different club next week, but I’m feeling down.
Sorry to hear about your audition girl! Cheer up. Your post reminded me of an ask someone sent me awhile ago and I just wanted to throw in my two cents.
Every dancers first time on stage is awful. Like YouTube video series awful. Either they have the “stage presence” but they have horrible moves or vice versa. It takes time to get both down! So don’t feel bad. It’s the nature of the beast.
I’d recommend going into any club on your days off and just watch the dancers on stage, figure out what moves you like and try to copy them. If you have a full body wide mirror at home, like one you’d have on a closet, dance is front of it all the time. Practice makes perfect babe!
Don’t get discouraged, all of us have learning curves when it comes to this job. You’ll get past it.
As you very well may know, I’ve been on this 12 month abstinence thing. I’m two months out from my goal which is pretty exciting, I know it’ll go by fast. My buddy at worked teased me that my hymn must have grown back by now. When Sweets was in town we ended up talking about it, it was the first time I had really verbalized my purpose in doing 12 month sabbatical.
Initially it was because I wanted to prove that sex wasn’t important to me, or to having a romantic relationship. Can’t intimacy in a relationship be achieved without sex? I mean, it can right? I’m tired of seeing TV shows, movies and other media obsessing about love, sex and the issues around it. My hiatus is sort of a rebellion to that. Then it sort of expanded from there…
There are parts of me just wanted to see if I could it. To see if I craved sex, to see if my behavior would change without having it. I don’t think it has, not really. Although it has made me realize that I don’t think I’ve been having the sex I want…for whatever reason. I think for me to jump in the sack now I’d need to feel 1000% comfortable with that person, and in my life I can only think of two people, man and woman, who even came close to that. More to that point, I remember at some point saying to him, that the whole point was more to hold out for an encounter that I really wanted to happen rather than one that just happened which seems to be the story of my sex life.
The other part of me just wanted to readjust, get to know myself. I wanted to think of my sexuality more introspectively rather than in relation to other people. Am I a lesbian, am I a lesbian who kinda likes men, am I straight but really prefers women? Those are the kinds of questions I wanted avoid. I’m starting to think that on a very basic level I’m attracted to both genders (with acknowledgement of non-binary people), it’s just that I will always be inherently more attracted and comfortable with women. For men it just takes me a lot more to really feel that comfortable.
So I see myself in two months feeling like I’m ready to engage in sex again, with the right people…right situations. I noticed that I am happier when I’m engaged in some romantic relationship whether it’s more friendly or serious.
I should really stop typing before I fall asleep on this keyboard…but I just had to get this off my chest.
I have so much to say but I don’t know how to say it…mix of work and life stuff.
Pros: Miami was cool, Sweets was fun, I’m a quarter of the way done with “Gone Girl”, and I took my hair out so I could put an extra long weave in. I’ll post pictures when it’s done.
Cons: I’ve pretty much lost my appetite, I started my cycle on Tuesday (lucky me…), my room is a mess, I’m tired…sssooo bblllaaahhh.
It all showed at work, some of my friends said I looked great oddly enough. It could be all the good time I had in Miami or the bar hopping with Sweets…even if I did over do it a little bit. Spending so much time with people I love does change attitude doesn’t it? I’m just waiting for the day that I have someone to come home to, that’s another post in and of itself. Or It also could be that since Monday I really haven’t eaten much. All I want, if anything, is a petite sandwich, salad with bread or a protein bar. But as one of my buddies told me, I just need to eat, even if I’m not hungry…just do it. The body needs it’s fuel.
I managed to work through that tonight at work though. I’ve noticed when I’m in deep thought, tired or for whatever reason mellow I seem to do average or better. When I’m in a hustlin’ space sometimes it backfires, obviously not all the time, but it can be a bit jarring if I don’t hustle hard with care.
It maybe late in the month, but I have faith I’ll be able to make some money.